Hoddit and Doddit’s Bogus Adventure Continues!

As they sat watching the sunset over Lake Wanaka Hoddit and Doddit reminisced fondly about their adventures in New Zealand:

After waking in the back of the hatchback, in which they’d enjoyed a cosy night sleep under the stars (free of charge!) Doddit commented on the heat, “I’m biling in here. Are we on fire?”

“No not yet but we are in our sleeping bags; there are two of us in a very small vicinity and yes the sun is starting to cook us.
Frantically the two friends, having realised they should have parked in the shade, wrestled out of the cooking cocoons in the boot and hopped into the front seats.

The north island is extremely beautiful and so the two girls had no end of idyllic spots to choose from to enjoy breakfast. After stopping for some plastic appliances, muesli and their daily intake of fruit and veg: half a banana each, they parked up to have breakfast. “Eh we should maybe get off the main road before we eat this,” Hoddit (co pilot) suggested.

“Ok hold my bowl please, ” Doddit replied, passing Hoddit her bowl as she pressed the accelerator. “The cars not moving! The cars not moving. THE CAR IS NOT MOVING!” Doddit shouted elbowing the muesli out of Hoddit’s hands and into her lap. “There’s a red light on. What does that mean?”

Calmly (not) Hoddit assured her pilot that it was ok and to put down the plastic spoon; violence really was not necessary.

“It’s shaped like a battery,” Doddit’s nervous, irrational tone rose over U2’s rhythm guitars blarring out of the stereo. “Our battery it dead. it must be dead. We’re not moving!”

“Ok keep calm.” Hoddit offered a few words of wisdom as she too pondered over the red, battery shaped, light.

Staring blankly at the dashboard the girls quickly caught the attention of an innocent passer by entering his own vehicle on the opposite side of the road. Without hesitation Doddit rolled down the window. “Help! Our battery is dead.” She screamed over Bono!

The kind gentleman swaggered across road in typical Kiwi fashion: relaxed!!! Glancing expertly at the gearstick he droned “Yeah you’re in drive sweet-art You can’t start an automatic in drive you have to put it in PARK!” And with that their knight in shining Billabongs vanished into his 4 x 4. Scooping the muesli off the floor (what’s a little spilt milk between friends) the two girls
giggled and promised never to tell anyone about their embarrassing incident.

Later that afternoon as the girls meandered their way over some of New Zealand’s most stunning mountains, neither of them mentioning the mornings escapade, they sang their little hearts out, stopping spontaneously to take snaps. Having manipulated their way round countless bends, numerous corners and over multiple creeks they found themselves isolated on the top of a mountain. Mesmerised by the green valley below, carpeted by some of New Zealand’s largest Mauri trees, they caught glimpses of the beauty on camera. Stopping is something Hoddit and Doddit can cope with; starting however was becoming more of a bother. Cautiously checking the car was in PARK Doddit released the hand break.

“Why are we rolling back?” A hysterical passenger (Hoddit) enquired. Again, “why are we rolling back!?”

“We’re rolling back!” Doddit shouted back at her. “Why are we rolling back?” An (unusual) eerie silence filled the car. There was no noise as the car continued to make it’s own way back down the mountain it had climbed. Immediately checking the battery light was not red and she had moved park into drive Doddit continued in her bemused state. Luckily her co pilot was at hand. “The engine’s not on,” she gasped just in time! And the two went on their merry way rejoicing…
Now in the south Island with a slightly smaller unaccommodating vehicle the two hunted for somewhere to rest their pretty little heads for the night. Eventually they found a sign for cabins under $40 (bout 17 pounds) that slept two! Perfect they thought looking back at the empty road they had travelled and forward to the empty fuel tank. “I think we should stay here for the night.” They agreed.

Courteously taking the cabin key from the receptionist the girls listened intently to her directions around the campsite. With a map and key in hand they quickly found their cabin…or so they thought. Bounding up to the cabin door Doddit squealed with excitement, “I love this cabin. I can’t believe this is out cabin. I can’t believe we got all this for $40 and look there’s even a wee t.v!” Doddit chuckled peering through the french patio door that led to their outside decking area. “This is so lovely, ” she smiled, wondering why they were still standing on the wooden deck.
“Eh… I canny get this key to work,” Hoddit said perplexed, trying aggressively to fit the huge key into the tiny lock. “This looks like my garage key,” she commented.
“That’s great. It’ll maybe fit your garage cos it doesn’t fit this lock.” Doddit replied now trying the same huge key in the same tiny lock.

Puzzled the girls looked around counting the cabins. “Ok, we’re number four and this is definitely number four,” they worked out. Staring at the highlighted map the kind receptionist had given them they counted out the cabins.

“But these are the only cabins here.” Hoddit stated.

“Oh no they’re not,” Doddit slurred pointing to the SHEDS behind them. And so it was so that the girls bunked cosily for the night in their little green shed. Equipped with one socket, one bed and a huge infestation of sand flies Hoddit and Doddit giggled about their “luxury accommodation”, wondering which army camp they had rescued the sheds from and from which car boot sale the 50’s furniture had been salvaged.

So now Hoddit and Doddit are in Wanaka and the sun is almost set but they have time to share one last tale.

Most recently the girls have been enjoying the scenery and sights of the south island. Unlike the north the south is sporadically populated and townships or towns can be few and far between, as the girls quickly discovered. Even more uncommon to spot than a person is a gas station and so as night fell the girls travelled down the west coast looking out anxiously into the ocean for whales, famously seen in this part of the world. Once again the dashboard of their car flashed to their attention. This time the (green) light illuminating the tiny car was more recognisable and shaped like a petrol pump. The car rolled to a halt.

“Maybe we can flag down a lorry to give us petrol.” Doddit’s tiredness causing her delusional episodes, evidently.

“Or…we can phone the AA.” Hoddit replied, cell phone already pinned to her ear. “That’s why we paid insurance.

Within the hour Ron (this time their knight was more subtly dressed in luminous yellow attire sporting reflectors, resembling their very own walking talking traffic cone) was there to help the dafties in distress. Gratefully the girls got back into their mean machine (car) and drove the remainder of their journey into the nearest town…all two metres away! In their defence it was DARK!!

And so the drama continues. We continue to love life, love God and have a whole lot of laughs…usually at the most amusing people we’ve met: ourselves.

K so here’s the test: who’s who? Entries to soul_touch@yahoo.com

Love and blessings in abundance Hoddit and Doddit xxx