Healing Hurts

¨At the age of 23 the Doctors found a tumor, the size of a football, in my stomach. They confirmed that it was operable but I had only 15% chance of survival from the surgery. I felt completely alone; helpless. I remember clearly in that time God´s presence was with me and for the first time in my life I prayed.” Just a few words from a precious, powerful and completely necessary testimony given by Ruth Such at CCE Church in Sucre, Bolivia, on Sunday.

God thought Ruth´s testimony necessary for me to hear, for the congregation at CCE to hear, for you to hear and I believe the church world wide to hear. Thank you, Ruth, for sharing it. I pray God´s blessing upon the ears who hear it and the souls that are blessed by it. As I share with you, as Ruth shares with you, I ask that you would allow yourselves to do more than hear: listen; let the words penetrate into your soul allowing them to heal your hurt as the experience of them has Ruth´s.
Ruth´s testimony is necessary because it contradicts what we think we know. Logically we separate those two feelings; hurt; healing. For most of us there is a definite distinction between the two and most often a considerable amount of time. The necessary (or one of them) component of Ruth´s testimony is that she shows the two can be felt in unison; if we allow ourselves to feel them that is.

“ I don´t think I said a complicated prayer. I think I said ´God I need you´”. (Ruth Such)

The process of Ruth´s healing started with the recognition that she was hurt (For Ruth, her hurt was pointed out to her, it was made obvious. It displayed itself physically as well as spiritually). Although few of us can imagine the physical and emotional pain Ruth felt at that time, in the moments she was told of her 15% chance of survival or of the impossibility of having children post operation, I´m sure that there have been times in you life that you´ve experienced hurt, excruciating pain, possibly even a hurt that you can not diagnose. One that you´d be mortified if a Doctor, friend or pastor probed and detected it. As long as it lies there undetected, untreated (by God) it is not being healed. For us personally it is important to recognize the pain and the root of it in order to allow the healing to begin. As a church we often allow pain to fester instead of allowing our faith to free us from it.

“As soon as I open the door to God he answered. It was like he´d been waiting for me to ask; to invite him.” (Ruth Such) (see Matthew 7:7)

For some of us asking for help is an inconceivable concept; sometimes more so for the church than individuals. I want momentarily to divert the attention away from Ruth (I think we´ve invaded her privacy enough for just now) and onto me.
Simply because Ruth´s testimony stirred my heart and made me think about the times in my life I´ve been hurting. More often than not (regrettably) I´ve allowed myself to get so hett up in the root of hurt (or with the person – let´s be honest in families/churches people are usually the primary cause) that I´ve prevented myself being healed. Unlike Ruth I´ve kept the door shut with locks ´n´bolts on ´n´all!

I´d like to illustrate something using my big toe. As ridiculous and almost inappropriate as it sounds it will hopefully clarify a few things.
My big toe has been one of my most recent hurts. Well toe nail to be more vulgar, I mean precise. Manicured nails are something I love. Not obsessively but admittedly a French manicure set and nail file snuck it´s way into my back pack amongst my years worth of malarial tablets, a pair embarrassingly practical hiking boots and my mosquito net. Since then it has successfully seen its way around the world and unlike the mozy net , which I lost within the first three months, the manicure set is a precious possession for several justifiable reason. One: it makes my hands look pretty even when building, painting, cleaning or making mud bricks. Secondly in the rare moments (very rare) I do paint my nails I am momentarily distracted from thinking about Soul Touch, the church worldwide, you at home or God – or at least not as intensely.

Anyway during our Kiwi experience (whilst we were leaders on a SU camp in New Zealand) my big toe nail (vanity) was damaged or rather mutilated by a canoe whilst carrying it through a field – the part of the Kiwi experience not advertised in the brochure! And so for some three months I didn´t have a toe nail. This was a distressing experience. Primarily because of the humiliation – everyone in NZ wears thongs (flip-flops/sandals) and so it was ugly obvious everywhere I went. Then there was the sheer discomfort of it growing back. As my new and improved toe nail grew in – pushing the damaged one out- it hurt. My healing was hurting me. That is not to say that I am not considerably grateful for the process at the end of which I have a brand spanking new (not yet manicured) toe nail! I no longer wear my practical hiking boots to hide my stumpy toe but rather out of necessity in fear of loosing all ten toes in the freezing altitude of Oruro.

One detail I failed to mention then I promise no more toes – the day I helped the healing process. I distinctly remember sitting on my bed in Tim and Carmen´s apartment in Buenos Aires (Argentina, March) Lorna, Carmen and I all inspecting the toe nail – we even have it on film! I remember explaining to Carmen that my new nail seemed to have stopped growing. At which Carmen came towards me with scissors as if by invitation, “The old nail is rotten and stuck at the top,” Carmen explained in English with a beautifully expert sounding Brazilian accent whilst cutting the nail ruthlessly and tearing the skin beneath. “Ouch!”

I don´t think for one second Carmen meant to hurt me but she did. She removed what was bad in order to allow growth and healing. Carmen´s ruthlessness was necessary for growth. I agree ruthlessness within the church is not something we should practice or encourage – that would be dangerous, “ unchristian” and possibly even damaging for our (the churches) reputation.

On the contrary ruthlessness is often masked or even compensated with sensitivity, which, although very rarely talked about can be even more dangerous. Think about areas of your life and your church where growth is being prevented because of dead skin. Situations where sinfulness is not being dealt with but rather being allowed to fester. I wonder had I left my nail (promise last reference) would the new one have eventually given up trying to grow? Perhaps, perhaps not – I´m sure some of you more scientifically minded could enlighten me – anyway the point is not me – or my foot – it´s the church.

How many new things, new ideas, new Christians are prevented from being nurtured, allowed to grow, because rotten, sinful things sit in their way? Because we Christians are so frightened of the little ruthless pain it may cause that we allow sinfulness to infect us, stumping our growth. Just a thought; I´m not pointing any…toes! Actually I´m reminded of myself, of times when I have been a dangerous Christian – not the good ´dangerously in love with Jesus` type of Christian but a foosty rotten one.

One that preferred to be sensitive rather than ruthless – it´s sometimes easier to offend God than those around us – his wrath isn´t so immediate, it doesn´t come in the form of dirty looks and unfortunately his word doesn´t spread quite as rapidly as the words on the lips of gossips. I believe that now is the time for the church to do a lot of its healing. Like Ruth it´s time to cry out to God – he´s waiting to be invited.
In his book Church Distributed, Dr Joel Hunter (whom I´ve recently been informed is very handsome just for the record, thank you Becky Hunter) details the difference between expelling sin from the church ( identifying rotten toe nails) (see 1 Cor 5:13) and simply having difference of opinion. He does so more expectedly than I ever could so I suggest you read that book if you haven´t already.

Furthermore I´d like to draw upon one more testimony of amazing healing we heard this week. Whilst in Sucre Lorna and I enjoyed the hospitality, stories, teaching, beauty and pizza of Pastor Philip Train, his stunning wife Jan and far too intelligent daughter, Becky. On invitation to lunch one Saturday we enjoyed the company a couple we were introduced to us by the Trains. Wendy and Jurgen live in La Paz, are Canadian citizens and are currently documenting a major reconciliation process taking place in Potosi, Bolivia. The reconciliation is between the Bolivians and Spaniards. A process that no doubt is hurting a lot of people whilst providing necessary healing.

One of the most interesting things for me listening to Wendy and Jurgen tell a little of the huge amount of work going on there was that they highlighted the communities involvement with the church. The healing process (the reconciliation) was instigated by people within the church and was largely planned and supported by them but it is being demonstrated within the communities by the people in the communities. As we have witnessed in the church (read Sam Andres Argentina)and as expertly illustrated by Dr Joel Hunter reaching out to the communities is the churches responsibility and in short reason for existence:

“The scripture tells us about Christ going out to be among the people. He did not stay in one place expecting the people to come to him (Mark 1:38). As the church becomes more involved in the world, it will also become more like Christ. (Dr Joel hunter, Church Distributed, 2007)

Yet still ¨the benefits for going outside for inside maturity¨ are questioned by members of congregations (Dr Joel hunter, Church Distributed, 2007). But why? Perhaps these communities expose hurt within the church that we´re trying to ignore. Perhaps they will question us and notice rotten bits about us that we don´t want anyone to see. Perhaps it’s much easier for us to stay insular and continue hurting.
I have learned (have been taught by many wiser than myself) that by doing so we´re not only hurting ourselves, denying others the opportunity to join God´s Kingdom but more dangerously we´re preventing growth (I´m not talking about numbers I´m taking about spiritual maturity).

Lastly one wee story from Ruth, she and Dean encouraged us greatly mostly through their sharing of recourses and stories. A few years ago their Church in England , also St Andrews, was being renovated in order to accommodate the growing congregation. Instead of hiring another larger venue whilst the renovation was being done the pastoral team decided to divide the church into mid sized communities (St Andrew´s Chorleywood) and each had it´s own name. The groups then hosted themselves out in the community. Some met in schools, some in homes and some in coffee shops. Amazingly the church didn´t self destruct, it didn´t suffer from lack of ´mega church sizeness¨. The church grew. People were given new responsibilities and through this confidence. What´s more people who had never been to church before joined the small groups. It grew so much that after refurbishment the building couldn´t contain it´s new ¨community¨ based congregation.

“I was slightly nervous about coming on mission because for the last seven years I have been in remission and have had to go to a specialist doctor regularly for check ups. God knew my worry and two days before we were set to leave for Bolivia I went to see the specialist. ¨Ruth you no longer have to come for check ups. Your body is completely healed.¨” (Ruth Such)


Ruth and Dean are now loving life in Sucre, Bolivia. I don´t doubt for one second that her (their) journey hasn´t hurt but their healing is remarkable and it shines for the entire world to see. I am imagining the day that we will say that about the church. A church that is so well because is has allowed itself time to heal it´s hurts. A church that has recognized and dealt with the damaged , foosty parts in order to allow the best bits to grow. A church so bright that all the world will see.

For the record the new and improved toe nail is now manicured and is displaying itself proudly around the streets of Oruro as you read this. Unfortunately for the locals it hidden beneath layers of thermal socks!

Love you all in abundance Erica xxx