Desperate tears lost to deaf ears..

My childhood memories, like so many people I know, are filled with laughter, squeals of excitement, ice-cream, games, sweeties, friends and lavishing of unmistakable love. Even most of my worst memories I can now see were based in love, and I just didn’t like discipline or being told no, like every other child acting bratty. My thoughts were full of innocence and the world around me filled my eyes with beauty so powerful and encompassing it sunk deep into my heart, filling my childhood years with a sense of constant warmth and safety. I always knew that if I cried loud enough, no matter what was happening, my Mummy or Daddy would find me and wipe my tears away.
I spent today with a group of children that couldn’t even begin to imagine these memories, let alone think they might someday have the chance to experience some of these things. Instead they live their lives day to day in constant fear, confusion, need, loss and loneliness. No matter how loud their cries, they wont be answered. They may be heard, but the wont be answered. No-one will wipe their tear and dirt stained faces clean, and laughter comes rarely and is normally interrupted by fear returning all too quickly again. Safety and warmth for these children is nothing more than a myth, sometimes heard about in passing whispers but never lingering long enough to be understood. Love is not constant for many of these children, and their worst memories are too devastating to be given a voice.
I spent today in a government-run “rehabilitation” home for street children, and children that had behaved badly and been given up on. An hour drive from Kampala ensures the grounds are far enough away that escape is at least a bit more difficult for the kids.. And if they do survive the long, difficult walk back to the streets they will be quickly rounded up again. The layout of the buildings, and the land all seem to have been birth from a brilliant, beautiful dream but since building them the dream has clearly quickly turned into a terrible nightmare. The dirty, mould-infested buildings are really just shells of what could have been. They provide shelter for the kids so long as the definition of shelter is “a roof and four walls” and no more.
From the dorm rooms to the worm infected children all you can see is filth and disease. Everything is dirty, cold and disgusting looking. And then it happens...a child sees you have come to visit and all of a sudden their whole being lights up, theirs eyes sparkle, the grin forms, their arms reach out to you for love, and your heart breaks in half. The rest of your time is spent holding back tears, choking on the lump in your throat and trying to muster energy for the many needy children, until you go home. And then boom...your heart is hit again as you realise that for the beautiful children surrounding you, they are already home. They have no end to this nightmare, at least not one that they can see or understand how to reach.
The home was started by the government in 2003. The idea was that street children would come here to be rehabilitated, care for and resettled with their families. The building would also serve as a punishment centre for children committing petty crimes, or even just annoying their parents to the point they want to throw them out. The children would then have their lives turned around and be sent back to society model citizens. This is obviously a failed plan, long lost somewhere within the prison I visited today. Nothing about this place seems to follow any rehabilitation programme or even offer basic care or dignity. All of the children were filthy, and most of them had some sort of skin disease (which was just the disease we could see on the outside, I’m sure it covered worse on the inside). The clothes the younger ones wore, hung off of their small bodies, barely covering them, and they had no underwear on to keep them decent as their rags moved or floated up in the draughty rooms. One boy spent the day trying to cover himself up by always using one hand to hold up his broken dungarees. The nurses at the government health building on site sit about all day bored, as they say they’ve not had even one pill to give out for the past month. So no matter how ill the child is that comes to them, unless they find the funding to send the child somewhere else, there is nothing that can be done.
To make sure the children don’t run away when they are first brought in from the streets (where they are collected by guards who force them into patrol cars) they are kept together (regardless of the number) in one empty concrete hall with no mattresses or mosquito nets. When it is thought that the risk of escape is high the clothes may be taken from the child in the hope that this will discourage them from leaving. This will be for the first few weeks until the staff think the children have lost their initial motivation to attempt escape. After this time they will be moved into one of the dorm rooms with the rest of the children, until they are naughty at least. When they are naughty (including being caught on the street again after a successful escape) they will be badly beaten and thrown in a cell which will be locked. The child will be brought meals by staff only and not allowed out of this cell until their punishment time is complete.
On a more positive note however, I was grateful to be there with Dwelling Places and another local NGO working with street children, RETRACK as they offered a free mobile medical clinic. They do this once every two weeks as part of their involvement with a network of several similar NGOs that are committed to visiting the children at different times and running games, discipleship, sports, medical services and other things to improve their welfare. However all this hard work barely seems to scratch the surface in such a desperate place. But at least we can take hope in the fact that there are people dedicated to scratching as deep as they can, and continuing to do so until they make as much of a difference as possible. Your prayers really are needed for this work and positive government involvement.
Having no medical training, I spent the day playing with the smaller kids, dancing, swinging them in the air, singing and generally being silly as much as possible without using any language. They just LOVED the attention and laughed as though they’d never laughed before for every tiny thing I did with them. Before leaving, one of the small boys caught his hand in a van door and started screaming from the fright. I quickly opened the door and scooped him up to take him through to Mariam (the Dwelling Places nurse). I almost burst into tears as I felt his grip around me. His little feet linked, his legs tight to grip on and his arms clinging desperately to me. He stayed like this long after the pain and tears had faded and my heart was ripped apart all over again as I put him down on the filthy ground so I could board the van to leave and go back to our comfortable office.
I’ll never forget the noise of weeping as we came toward the home, or the stench that hit us as we walked through the doors. But I have made a conscious promise to not allow myself to ever forget the fear in the eyes of some of those children. Fear I can’t begin to understand, and hope to never have to. I will etch that sight deep into my memories and heart and use it as motivation for everything I do. Every time I pray, remember others, become too self-obsessed, or forget the importance of every small act of reaching out in kindness, I will force my heart to remember those eyes with such fear and I will allow my heart to break all over again. I have tears beginning to roll down my cheeks even as I write this, but I thank God I had the opportunity to visit such beautiful souls trapped in such a horrible cage, even just so I know how many beautiful souls are crying out for help. And I can only hope I can somehow begin to be the one that not only hears the tears, but at least tries to wipe them away.

PARRTTAAAAAYYYYY!!!!

I had the privilege to spend a week in the Naguru Teenage Health and Information Centre the week before last, helping with various jobs around the clinic, learning more and more as the days passed. The centre is focussed on providing free health care and information to teenagers (between ages 10 and 24), the majority of which is related to HIV and STD testing, awareness and counselling. This centre is a huge success story for Uganda as it was the first of its kind focussed only on teens in East Africa, and they help hundreds, if not thousands of anxious teens that flood through their doors every week. To manage this the staff are extremely well trained, very up to date with research and information related to their work, normally in the office from about 7am – 6pm, and are all EXTREMELY passionate about their work.
Over the course of my week there I got to work in several different areas with different people, as despite the many committed youth volunteers that do brilliant jobs, there is always more to be done in such a busy place, and so to ensure I learnt as much as possible, the staff made sure to share my time out around the centre. I spent time counting pills in the pharmacy (which made me feel important having access behind a counter I always feel is quite out of bounds at home!); registering patients (which is more difficult than it sounds when their English is very broken, my English can be reasonably broken by a Scottish accent and my Luganda is non-existent); putting patient’s data into computers; sorting flyers into boxes; sorting through and organising feedback data and working in the lab. I loved working in the lab, as I couldn’t have learnt any more if I tried, and I even got my blood type tested (it’s O negative in case anyone wants some). The lab in the centre is a very small room, with only a few pieces of equipment and two staff members (Polly and Julius) but it does the job perfectly. Having the lab in the clinic allows for them to test for syphilis, HIV, Typhoid, Malaria and blood type very quickly so the results can be given to the patient that day and further action taken. This is especially important with the HIV testing as it allows immediate counselling to be given about future steps to be taken by the patient.
I was confused as to why the huge majority of people coming to be tested were women (lots of whom were pregnant I’m sad to say) and after quizzing Julius and Polly I discovered the extent to which women can be vulnerable in a relationship with a man in this culture. Julius explained to me that although men tend to sleep around more, women are more at risk to contracting HIV as the man is generally the decision maker in relationships and so if he decides that he doesn’t want to wear a condom (regardless of promiscuity) then that is more than likely what will happen. This of course can often lead to pregnancy and sadly in some cases HIV. Ignorant and thinking I knew more than I did I started discussing the importance of education for women and how this can be so unavailable to women. I quickly was informed that in fact a high percentage of the women visiting the clinic are actually at University. However University here doesn’t seem to be all about showing off your bargain clothes and beans and toast like it is at home. On top of the fees that people tend to struggle to find, there seems to be a culture within the University that we seem to leave behind in high school in the West, where a person is judged by their material things and the people that seem to be struggling with money can become outcasts. This of course puts a huge pressure on the young people to find money somewhere, and so knowing this, older (often married) men can be found hanging around the university grounds inexplicitly offering to buy a girl pretty things in exchange for sex. The girls feeling under so much pressure can often see this as a quick fix, with the result possibly being fatal. All the way around the world I have been ranting on about education resulting in empowerment, I hadn’t realised before how essential it is that the education is completely specific and relevant for your audience if it is to have the desired effect. It is however nice to know that there are centres such as Naguru that young people feel so welcome and comfortable in, and that people are determinedly working to reach these vulnerable groups.
One of the main focuses of Naguru Teenage Health and Information Centre is education spreading into communities and schools through “peer education”. This is the idea that by educating some of the youth in their rights in life and relationships, and building their confidence, they can be guided as to how to pass this information onto their peers around them, thus reaching a much wider population. The idea is sort of like a ripple effect of information, with the ripple starting with a core group at the centre to ensure the information being passed out is all correct and up to date. One way the centre is doing this is through the “Post Test Club” held every Saturday from 10am – 4pm. This is a day of information-giving through games and purposeful group activities that not only educate, but also improve confidence and knowledge of self. This club is open to anyone that has been for testing at the centre regardless of their result, and also to anyone else that may not have been tested yet, but would like to come along. I attended for the last 2 Saturdays and had a brilliant time working with the youth. I facilitated a session this Saturday for the girls promoting self confidence and self worth regardless of the world around us. This was really a great opportunity as the youth were very good at participating and some of the discussions we had were very interesting and also educational for me. The main theme I found myself coming back to again and again is that we need to be the change we want to see. It can be so easy to be swept up in the world and society around us, ignoring our own worth, rights and needs. This can also hugely influence the way we treat others, but there really comes a point we need to take responsibility for our own lives and actions and live the life we want to promote. After our many discussions, and writing our thoughts on the good and bad things about being a woman we had a short activity where we imagined all the negative things anyone had ever said to us, or that had ever happened to us travelling up our bodies, into our lungs and leaving us with one huge breath out. It is important we don’t carry all the negative thoughts others can create or cast onto us, as they will soon consume us and become our focus, which will of course negatively affect our actions.
After a good day on Saturday we had a brilliant day yesterday (Sunday) at my pre-birthday, birthday party at the children’s home. It was a really fun day with party food, party games, face painting, presents, party bags, balloons, birthday cake and of course a LOT of dancing (oh my word African women can dance! I at least tried to follow them, my hips attempting to click in and out in ways I had never attempted before!) The kids here are just so beautiful and it was such an honour to be involved in the making of some good, fun memories in their lives which already have too many bad memories. Laura had kindly arranged for a birthday cake for me, so I blushed my way through Happy Birthday and we all got to enjoy the cake. Rita Nkemba (founder of Dwelling Places) gave a quick speech after the cake which was really sweet as she was thanking us for our work with them (although I feel more like we should thank them for letting us come!) and they presented us both with beautiful wooden drums and a scarf each, which was so unexpected and so kind of them.
The night came to a lovely close thanks to the hard work of my wee mummy! After the guests had all left and the kids had started cleaning up I asked them to all come into the hall for one last thing. They gathered together staring up at me with smiling, sleepy faces covered in smudged face paints and looking utterly exhausted! I handed them a parcel with a message asking them to give my “friends” a nice home. They opened their present to find a puppet for each of them hand made by my mum. I wasn’t sure if they would be too childish for the older girls, but the whole group went absolutely nuts. They completely loved them and the hall was soon filled with giggles and screams. It was the most beautiful sight and the best part of my day by far was enjoying watching them. All of the children were thanking us for the party and the presents which was lovely, but I was close to tears when Shakira (one of the teenage girls) stopped me before leaving and simply said “Aunty Jenn, just thank-you for loving us”. I couldn’t appreciate my time with these children more, I am so sad to leave Dwelling Places, and I can only hope I will return one day.
Jenn xxx

14.06.10 Indian Family

On Monday an Indian family came and visited us. It was a great pleasure for the Soul Touch Group to meet them and they were so pleased to see us to. After a little lunch we had an amazing performance by Arpana Sharon and her family. We were really sad when we had to go to class but we were also so delighted they came to visit. We got a lot of good photos of the family and we listened to Sharon’s new Gospel CD it was amazing

In the afternoon Raj and Vanitha spoke to the classes and shared a lot about their life in work in India. It was a great afternoon and we all really enjoyed asking questions and learning about their life. It really inspired us when Lilias (an amazing and passionate and inspirational and adorable and sweet and lovely, youth worker from St Andrews church in Bo’ness) told us how the youth in Bo’ness raised enough money to get them here from India. That really inspired us to know that young people really are changing the world, little by little, one Soul at a time!

Also huge shout out to Mhairi and Lisa who came from Bo’ness to spend time with us. They are both stunning and lovely and it was such a joy to host them at our school. We are so privileged to have such great friends all over the world and so many opportunities to meet with them and learn about their lives.

Partaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

I had the privilege to spend a week in the Naguru Teenage Health and Information Centre the week before last, helping with various jobs around the clinic, learning more and more as the days passed. The centre is focussed on providing free health care and information to teenagers (between ages 10 and 24), the majority of which is related to HIV and STD testing, awareness and counselling. This centre is a huge success story for Uganda as it was the first of its kind focussed only on teens in East Africa, and they help hundreds, if not thousands of anxious teens that flood through their doors every week. To manage this the staff are extremely well trained, very up to date with research and information related to their work, normally in the office from about 7am – 6pm, and are all EXTREMELY passionate about their work.

Over the course of my week there I got to work in several different areas with different people, as despite the many committed youth volunteers that do brilliant jobs, there is always more to be done in such a busy place, and so to ensure I learnt as much as possible, the staff made sure to share my time out around the centre. I spent time counting pills in the pharmacy (which made me feel important having access behind a counter I always feel is quite out of bounds at home!); registering patients (which is more difficult than it sounds when their English is very broken, my English can be reasonably broken by a Scottish accent and my Luganda is non-existent); putting patient’s data into computers; sorting flyers into boxes; sorting through and organising feedback data and working in the lab. I loved working in the lab, as I couldn’t have learnt any more if I tried, and I even got my blood type tested (it’s O negative in case anyone wants some). The lab in the centre is a very small room, with only a few pieces of equipment and two staff members (Polly and Julius) but it does the job perfectly. Having the lab in the clinic allows for them to test for syphilis, HIV, Typhoid, Malaria and blood type very quickly so the results can be given to the patient that day and further action taken. This is especially important with the HIV testing as it allows immediate counselling to be given about future steps to be taken by the patient.

I was confused as to why the huge majority of people coming to be tested were women (lots of whom were pregnant I’m sad to say) and after quizzing Julius and Polly I discovered the extent to which women can be vulnerable in a relationship with a man in this culture. Julius explained to me that although men tend to sleep around more, women are more at risk to contracting HIV as the man is generally the decision maker in relationships and so if he decides that he doesn’t want to wear a condom (regardless of promiscuity) then that is more than likely what will happen. This of course can often lead to pregnancy and sadly in some cases HIV. Ignorant and thinking I knew more than I did I started discussing the importance of education for women and how this can be so unavailable to women. I quickly was informed that in fact a high percentage of the women visiting the clinic are actually at University. However University here doesn’t seem to be all about showing off your bargain clothes and beans and toast like it is at home. On top of the fees that people tend to struggle to find, there seems to be a culture within the University that we seem to leave behind in high school in the West, where a person is judged by their material things and the people that seem to be struggling with money can become outcasts. This of course puts a huge pressure on the young people to find money somewhere, and so knowing this, older (often married) men can be found hanging around the university grounds inexplicitly offering to buy a girl pretty things in exchange for sex. The girls feeling under so much pressure can often see this as a quick fix, with the result possibly being fatal. All the way around the world I have been ranting on about education resulting in empowerment, I hadn’t realised before how essential it is that the education is completely specific and relevant for your audience if it is to have the desired effect. It is however nice to know that there are centres such as Naguru that young people feel so welcome and comfortable in, and that people are determinedly working to reach these vulnerable groups.

One of the main focuses of Naguru Teenage Health and Information Centre is education spreading into communities and schools through “peer education”. This is the idea that by educating some of the youth in their rights in life and relationships, and building their confidence, they can be guided as to how to pass this information onto their peers around them, thus reaching a much wider population. The idea is sort of like a ripple effect of information, with the ripple starting with a core group at the centre to ensure the information being passed out is all correct and up to date. One way the centre is doing this is through the “Post Test Club” held every Saturday from 10am – 4pm. This is a day of information-giving through games and purposeful group activities that not only educate, but also improve confidence and knowledge of self. This club is open to anyone that has been for testing at the centre regardless of their result, and also to anyone else that may not have been tested yet, but would like to come along. I attended for the last 2 Saturdays and had a brilliant time working with the youth. I facilitated a session this Saturday for the girls promoting self confidence and self worth regardless of the world around us. This was really a great opportunity as the youth were very good at participating and some of the discussions we had were very interesting and also educational for me. The main theme I found myself coming back to again and again is that we need to be the change we want to see. It can be so easy to be swept up in the world and society around us, ignoring our own worth, rights and needs. This can also hugely influence the way we treat others, but there really comes a point we need to take responsibility for our own lives and actions and live the life we want to promote. After our many discussions, and writing our thoughts on the good and bad things about being a woman we had a short activity where we imagined all the negative things anyone had ever said to us, or that had ever happened to us travelling up our bodies, into our lungs and leaving us with one huge breath out. It is important we don’t carry all the negative thoughts others can create or cast onto us, as they will soon consume us and become our focus, which will of course negatively affect our actions.

After a good day on Saturday we had a brilliant day yesterday (Sunday) at my pre-birthday, birthday party at the children’s home. It was a really fun day with party food, party games, face painting, presents, party bags, balloons, birthday cake and of course a LOT of dancing (oh my word African women can dance! I at least tried to follow them, my hips attempting to click in and out in ways I had never attempted before!) The kids here are just so beautiful and it was such an honour to be involved in the making of some good, fun memories in their lives which already have too many bad memories. Laura had kindly arranged for a birthday cake for me, so I blushed my way through Happy Birthday and we all got to enjoy the cake. Rita Nkemba begin_of_the_skype_highlighting     end_of_the_skype_highlighting begin_of_the_skype_highlighting end_of_the_skype_highlighting begin_of_the_skype_highlighting end_of_the_skype_highlighting (founder of Dwelling Places) gave a quick speech after the cake which was really sweet as she was thanking us for our work with them (although I feel more like we should thank them for letting us come!) and they presented us both with beautiful wooden drums and a scarf each, which was so unexpected and so kind of them.

The night came to a lovely close thanks to the hard work of my wee mummy! After the guests had all left and the kids had started cleaning up I asked them to all come into the hall for one last thing. They gathered together staring up at me with smiling, sleepy faces covered in smudged face paints and looking utterly exhausted! I handed them a parcel with a message asking them to give my “friends” a nice home. They opened their present to find a puppet for each of them hand made by my mum. I wasn’t sure if they would be too childish for the older girls, but the whole group went absolutely nuts. They completely loved them and the hall was soon filled with giggles and screams. It was the most beautiful sight and the best part of my day by far was enjoying watching them. All of the children were thanking us for the party and the presents which was lovely, but I was close to tears when Shakira (one of the teenage girls) stopped me before leaving and simply said “Aunty Jenn, just thank-you for loving us”. I couldn’t appreciate my time with these children more, I am so sad to leave Dwelling Places, and I can only hope I will return one day.

Jenn xxx